Stick Em Up Jeff
by RothGarland1984
Summary: Ok it's not that funny i don't know why i said humor but Jeff gets caught in a bank robbery and finds out why you should always wear clean underwear. damn that was a sucky summary.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer : There's gonna be some cuss words (like usual what's new ) and some other stuff. Like you guys ever have to worry about my fiction. Dude I don't write slash at least not yet.  
  
Authors' note : Ok ok I know I said my muses were gone but shit I was watching some videos I downloaded from Kazaa of the Hardy Boyz and man I felt so bad going off about Jeff but hey we all need to vent sometimes and I don't care if the cutie ever comes back to wrestling as long as he's happy. Obviously he must be pissed or he woulda been back a long time ago I mean who wants to be around a federation full of people that think you're on drugs and when you say you're not they call you a liar. So to hell with Vince I hope the bitch goes bankrupt and on with my first stand alone fic for Jeff hehe.  
  
You know how your mom always tells you to make sure you have on clean underwear especially if you're going in public or somewhere special ? And you always wonder why? I mean whose gonna be checkin to see if you're drawers are clean? Well Jeff is about to find out why you should always have on clean underwear just in case. (story based on what my brother told me about having clean underwear at all times no matter what you never know what might happen.)  
  
Jeff was in his hotel room going through all the mess that was on his floor. Usually he didn't mind all his stacks of clothes everywhere but today it was getting on his nerves because all of sudden the big pile of clothes started to stink.  
  
"Shit I need a woman in my life right now." He said to himself. Then almost choked laughing at the thought of Lita kicking his ass for sayin some shit like that. He had ample opportunities to wash his clothes but all and all, excuses aside, shit he just didn't feel like doin them.  
  
"I'll get Matt to do them later." He was talking to himself again. He didn't know how he'd convince Matt to do it but he figured he'd bribe him some kind of way.  
  
It was 2 days later and Matt was jumpin his ass over those clothes. "I don't know what the fuck you let die in your clothes but you better get them out of this room before I shoot 'em cause I swear I just saw one of those piles move!!" Matt screamed. "I haven't washed in like a moth I think I've been to busy!" Jeff screamed back at him. "Too busy?! Dude we've been doin the same shit. Don't forget I travel with your lazy ass so I know everything you do. Like going to hang out with Shannon instead of washin your clothes." Jeff was starting to get annoyed he never liked it when anyone yelled at him. "I don't get you Jeff, we travel the same hours we do the same shows and everything but yet my clothes are all nice and clean and folded and put away not to mention they smell like uh I don't know(((.Clothes!! While you have your shit smelling like the Cameron city dump!! Matt was getting more and more heated due to the fact he was still inhaling the vile smell. "Dude just throw the damn things away. You've worn the same tank top 6 fucking times!!"  
  
"Well if you're so worried you wash my clothes!!" Jeff yelled at Matt while tryin to sort through his things to find the infamous tank he had worn too many times tryin to see what Matt was talking about. No way could he had worn that shirt that many times. Mat was just acting like a mother hen. "You know I think I might be just that desperate to do it but only if you do something for me" Matt said to Jeff. He really didn't have any problem doing it he used to do it when they were younger when their dad wasn't around. So he especially didn't mind doin it today if it meant the clothes didn't turn into a health hazard. (or bio hazard for that matter) " Name it and I'll do it!!" Jeff was right next to Matt in and instant to see what the man wanted him to do. "Well I was gonna go to the bank today to drop off my check since we just got paid. I wanted to put it in my savings account. Think you could take it to the bank for me lil bro?" Matt asked him. "Of course." Although Jeff didn't have a clue about banks (neither do I. I'm only sixteen and only been inside a bank twice please don't kill me if I'm not correct on some stuff).  
  
"Ok while I get my check and stuff you go in my room and change into something of mine because you can't just waltz into a bank smellin like a skunk that was hit by a mac truck."  
  
"Ok but I don't have any underwear to put on I just wanna warn you because I know how freaked you get about my free breezing especially while wearin your clothes."  
  
"Whatever just hurry up to the bank before it closes" Matt was too busy trying to pick up a piece of clothing that didn't smell like shit to notice Jeff leavin.  
  
By the time Matt finally picked up a pair of boxers Jeff was gone. "Shit I forgot to tell him to wear clean underwear."  
  
Jeff got to the bank and hurried to stand in line before the old lady that walked 2 mph could get there first. He waited at least for 10 minutes before he heard some commotion by the front door of the bank. He turned around in time to see a guy in all black knock out the elderly security guard that was by the door sittin in a chair. He was about to run over to help the poor man and show the thug some fucking manners (thanking god he was a wrestler and could handle bitches like him) but the ass hole pulled out a gun and waved it in front of himself to fend off anyone who advanced towards him.  
  
"Everybody put your hands in the air!!"  
  
Shit. Jeff cursed to himself as he put his hands up. "Could this get any worse?" he whispered to himself." As soon as he said that 2 other men dressed exactly like the first man came in.  
  
"Everybody on the floor NOW!!!" One of the men screamed. Everyone started doin as the man told them to except a couple of people who were moving slowly including some teenage girls who were just too frightened to move at all. One of the men in black started to walk to wards the girls poitin the weapon at all of them screaming his head off.  
  
"If you don't get your ass down on the floor now I will be forced to make that pretty white T-shirt match your red sneakers by blowing your fucking head off!!" Jeff could tell the guy was nervous he was practically shaking but he wasn't the only one who noticed. Out of the corner of his he could see another security guard pulling out his gun. Jeff turned to look the man straight in the eye and shook his head at the man trying to tell the man to not do anything stupid. The girls were now crying moving excruciatingly slow towards the ground trying to make sure they didn't lose the hold they had on each other. When they finally laid on the floor still holding to each other the man kicked one of the girls in the shoulder. "Let go of each other and just lay there with your arms out where I can see them!! Fucking dykes." the man mumbled the last part to himself as he stood watching the crying girls trying to get situated. The guard now had the gun pointing to the back of the mans head ready to pull the trigger. Jeff was startin to get pissed the dumbass was about to do something stupid and there was still 2 other men in there somewhere and he didn't know where. Jeff decided to focus on the stressed out teenagers. "Pssst" He whispered to the girl furthest away from the robber. She looked up at him eyes still watering she just didn't wanna be there. "Calm down" he mouthed to her and smiled at her when she shook her head ok. Just then one of the girls screamed and he looked up and saw the guard and robber struggling for the gun. He waved his hand at the girls telling them to come over to where he was so he could hopefully protect them somewhat. All 3 girls quickly crawled over to him the one the got kicked in the shoulder moving a little slower than the rest. As soon as they got close to him they immediately moved behind him for protection clinging to him as close as they could get. "I told you he was Jeff Hardy how many other men look as gorgeous as him." The blonde whispered to her black haired friend giggling. "If you girls be quiet and do exactly as I say I'll try to make sure you get out of here alive ok?" All three girls shook their head in agreement. "You ok baby girl?" He asked the girl who was kicked. She smiled up at him and shook her head yes causing her cotton candy pink hair to fall around her face as she did so. He just chuckled and kissed her on the forehead which made her blush. "You 2 take care of her ok?" They all nodded again as the brunette pulled the youngest girl in her arms for protection. "She'll be ok we'll make sure of it." She told Jeff. Jeff turned his attention back to the scene unfolding in front of them. The other 2 robbers came out of the back with a little bit of money in their hands. "I don't know where the rest of the money is, that little bitch teller won't show us where it is and I think she called the cops. We gotta hurry up and get out of here before the cops come!." Robber2 told robber1. Robber3 just stood around looking nervous. "We're not leaving here until we get at least 5 grand." robber1 said. "What the fuck happened to him?" robber3 asked pointing the gun at the guard laying on the ground since he couldn't point to the man with his finger. "He tried to play hero and I laid him out." robber 1 said. "As matter of fact everyone strip!!" Jeff immediately turned a crimson red. He looked over his shoulder at the trembling girls who were pleading to him with their eyes to do something so they wouldn't have to strip. "I said now!!!!!!!! I don't want anymore heros everybody strip I wanna make sure noone has any weapons on them. You don't have to strip til you're naked just the clothes. Leave your underwear on for god sakes." The man said as he stared daggers into the obese lady across the room. Everyone started to strip. Jeff left on his jeans hoping the robbers wouldn't notice. He handed the pink haired girl his shirt knowing for a girl her age his shirt would be oversized and probably would cover most of her up. He handed the blonde his jacket. And look at the brunette with questioning eyes as if to ask her if she needed anything. She smiled at him and shook her no to show him she was fine. The girls were in the bras and underwear. Robber3 was inspecting everyone when he finally got over to Jeff and the girls. "Hey no one is exempt pants off buddy." He said as he pointed the gun at Jeff. The girls gasped scared for his safety. He looked over his shoulder at them and whispered "it's ok". He turned to face the robber he didn't want to take off his pants and have his dick right in their faces. As he started to pull them off he heard giggling behind him. "That's just great I'm gonna scar the little one for life." He said to himself as he thought of the 13 year old pink haired girl behind him. Finally he was done pulling them off and standing there in all his naked glory. "Now I know what mama and Matt meant when they always tell to wear clean underwear when I leave the house to go somewhere." He thought to himself as he felt a shiver go through him.  
  
"Damn dude I said you didn't have to take it all off put yo draws back on man it ain't that kind of bank." Robber1 said glaring at Jeff like the man was crazy or something. "I don't have any." Jeff whispered to the man trying to make sure no one heard him. "What the fuck did he say?" robber2 asked. Robber1 leaned in closer and asked rather loudly, " HUH? Pass that by me again bro." Jeff rolled his eyes knowing they were trying to humiliate him. "I said I don't have any damnit!!" Jeff yelled at the man. He could hear snickering all around him. All he could do was place his hands in front of his dangly bits hoping the robbers would take pity and kill him right then and there. "By saying you don't have any does that mean you don't buy draws or does that mean you just wanted to free lance it today?" robber2 asked chuckling. "It means it was laundry day bitch." Jeff growled at the man. The man stepped in front of Jeff so they were nose to nose. "What'd you call me pretty boy?"  
  
"I said it was laundry day BITCH!" Jeff made sure he heard the last word loud and clear. Robber2 handed his gun to robber1 and turned back to Jeff.  
  
"You think you man enough to handle me?"  
  
"How about this, if I kick your ass all over this bank fair and square without your cronies getting involved you let everyone out and you turn yourself in."  
  
"And if I win?"  
  
"I tell the cops I just escaped from a mental institution and take the rap. Hell I'll even help you cunts escape.  
  
The robber stood there thinking for a second then smiled.  
  
"If I win you come with us as a hostage. Willingly of course."  
  
"Deal." Jeff turned around and looked at the girls and winked. He couldn't give them a thumbs up of course for obvious reasons. The girls were smiling from ear to ear thinking the dumbass would get what he deserved knowing Jeff was a wrestler and he was strong enough to protect them.  
  
"Lets go Hardy boy." Jeff froze. Shit the fucker knew he was a wrestler. He couldn't stand to see the disappointment on the girls faces. He knew they thought he was gonna lose then. He was determined to prove them wrong though.  
  
"Can I at least put my pants back on you perv?" The man just chuckled and shook his head yes. As soon as Jeff had his pants back on the man leapt at him knocking him down. "Bastard," Jeff screamed trying to kick the man off him. The other 2 men ushered all the people in the bank over to the wall to give the 2 men room enough to fight. Jeff finally got the man off him and stood up. "Lets get this over with tool," Jef f barked at the man. "You're gonna pay for that comment bitch." The man growled. "I thought bitch was your pet name dumbass." Jeff said cracking his knuckles ready to start in on the punk. Jeff raised his arm and backhanded the robber causing the mans lip to start bleeding almost immediately and knocking him to the ground. " Get up bitch! Do something." He yelled at the man. They fought for at least 8 whole minutes. Finally both parties were pretty winded standing away from each other trying to catch their breath. While Jeff had his back turned robber3 put his gun down and started walking towards him ready to attack from behind. The 2 older girls looked at each other immediately wondering what to do to help Jeff. The blonde smiled and immediately whispered something in the brunettes ear. They both shook their head ok and stood up. The elderly woman grabbed the blondes hand pleading with her to sit back down. She just patted her hand and whispered to her that it would be ok. She'd be damned if she let anything happen to Jeff without at least trying to help once. Robber1 was too busy enjoying the fight to notice them. They grabbed each others hand and ran straight for robber3 connecting their entwined hands to the back of his neck giving him a double clothesline from hell. "Suck on that bitch!!" The blonde screamed at him standing over him. They slapped each other's hand in celebration. Next thing they knew everyone had got up and started beatin the shit out of the robbers. Before robber2 could catch his breath Jeff knocked him out and went over to help the girls with robber3. Before robber 1 could do anything with his gun the elderly woman hit him in his face with her purse then kicked him in nuts with her orthopedic shoes. "That oughta teach you to fuck with a old bitch like me you little punk." By the time the police came all the robbers were knocked out and the customers were all splitting the money the robbers had took. Jeff didn't take any money but he gave his share to the girls and autographed the jacket he gave them and kissed them all before they ran over to the reporters to tell them the story about how Jeff hardy saved their lives and how traumatic everything was for them.  
  
Jeff was just glad it was over. Then he heard his brothers voice screaming at him. "Jeff thank god you're alright. It's all over the news I just had to come down here and make sure you were alright!" Jeff gave him a reassuring hug letting him know he was ok. He and Matt walked over to Matts car and got in. "Is that the clean laundry in the back?" he asked his brother. "Yea why?." Matt asked him looking at him curiously. Jeff jumped in the backseat and grabbed the first pair of underwear he found and put them on. "Damnit Jeff not in the car!! I can't see through the rearview mirror because of your full moon!" Matt raged. Jeff jumped back into the front seat and sighed. "I'll never leave the house without underwear again all it does is get you into fights and robbed." Matt just stared at him not knowing what the fuck he was talking about.  
  
FIN  
  
Not my best work but hey I liked the story. Reviews are always welcomed. I'm just warming myself up so I can update my other stories which I have been seriously neglecting. *sniff* I'm such a bad ficcy mama. 


	2. You Got Jacked Jeff

I don't know what the hell possesed me to do this but i'm doin it i'mmmmm doin it. I decided to delete my other story "if Those Stars Could Talk" let's face it, the only reason why I wrote it is so Jeff could get robbed in a store. But then I figured " Well Jeff got robbed in Stick Em Up Jeff so why not just make that story have more than one chapter with Jeff gettin robbed in all kinds of places. So from my demented mind to yours read on.  
  
I don't own anybody in this story, Yes it's sad but what are ya gonna do when you get no fuckin allowence!!!!!!  
  
On to the Story  
  
You Got Jacked Jeff  
  
Jeff sped along down the highway in his corvette. It had been a week since the bank robbery and he was plenty pissed no one believed him. All he got from everyone in the back was a bunch of......  
  
"Uh huh whatever you say Jeff"  
  
"Are you sure you didn't dream that?"  
  
"Let me see the bullet wound," Well that one came from Bradshaw the dumb goon.  
  
Jeff pulled over on the side of the road, he wanted to change the cd in his cd player but he didn't wanna crash his car trying to drive and change the cd at the same time. What he didn't notice was a person walking up beside him.  
  
While Jeff was putting the new cd in it's place a girl knocked on his window. He quickly looked up to see who it was puttin their sweaty fingers on his newly washed windows. Oh somebody was about to get fucked up royally. He rolled down the window to talk to the retarded bitch.  
  
"Can I help you?" He asked her while gently removing her hand off his car.  
  
"Yes I wanted to ask you something." The girl replied nicely.  
  
"Well Ms. if it's about directions I have no clue. You see I have a job where I have to travel alot through cities and stuff. I hate to tell you this but I don't know anything about this town except for the little lines on the map I got."  
  
"No I just wanted to ask you if you would please get the fuck out of the car?" She asked smiling warmly at him.  
  
"I'm sorry I didn't catch that last part um what did you say?  
  
" I said could you please get out of the........ fucking..........car?" She emphasized on the last 2 words hoping he'd get the hint.  
  
"Is this a joke? I'm not gettin out of my car so step off." He said trying to roll up the window hoping he could quickly drive away from the crazy broad before she went off or somethin.  
  
Suddenly he heard more tapping at the window. He was getting slightly aggitated at the thought of the dumb cunt putting her grubby hands on his car again. But right when he was about to scream at her through the window he noticed that it wasn't her finger on his window but she was holding a gun.  
  
" If you know what's good for your health sir I suggest you get out of the fucking car NOW!!" And with that she hit the window so hard that it shattered. Jeff ducked and covered his head with his arms while the glass flew everywhere. When he finally did sit up to see how much damage was caused he came face to face with the tip of her gun.  
  
"Not again." He whispered to himself and put his hands over his head and exited the car.  
  
"This is just GREAT!" He screamed to the air.  
  
I know this chapter is short but it's suppose to lead up to another one. I was gonna write everything in this one but I only get to get on the computer at night and shit i'm tired. Maybe that's why I don't update much I hardly get any time on the computer. Not mention the fact I cant stay focus on one thing at a time. More updates soon and here's a hint for all you slash fans out there. Can Jeff get robbed at a strip club while he's stripping? Think about that and get back to me lol. I can see it now, Jeff in a thong shaking his groove thang. Ooooooh yea. (runs off to take a cold shower) please review even tho there ain't much to review. 


End file.
